Why does nobody want me to go to rehab? I will totally go. As long as there’s cookies.


So a while back my fridge died. Which is what it is, except my Orencia, the med that treats my RA and somehow also my lupus (I’m guessing by keeping my inflammation in check?) must be kept cold and didn’t survive the meltdown.

Fate being the delightful will o the wisp that she is, I had just received my three-month shipment of weekly injections, so I am now sitting on approx $6k (retail value) of saline-filled syringes.

It takes a while to wear off, so I was doing that “is it or isn’t it” hopeful dance, because there’s no way to know for sure if the med is bad except to keep injecting it and see if you get sick (which I realized I was when I woke up one morning and wondered who had put me through the spin cycle with a bag of rocks). Now I’m doing that “come on come on” urgent dance waiting for my refill to show up and horking tons of prednisone and generally acting like a lunatic. Sleeping 14 hours a day and spending waking hours in bed watching TV and considering cutting off my right leg because it might just hurt less. Oh yeah and mowing down cookies like I’m an alternate for the Olympic Cookie Eating Team. Me wanty cookie, me wanty cookie.

Which brings me (FINALLY) to my topic: OHHHHHMG I wanna go to rehab.

TiVO has (seemingly in preparation for this event) racked up 32 episodes of Intervention, that show where drug addicts are intervened on and (for the most part) eventually and grudgingly go to rehab. The majority freak out and NONONONONONONO I WON’T GO I CANT GO NONONONO. All I can think is “Wait. 90 days to go to a beautiful place (they’re all in like Malibu and stuff) and be treated by medical professionals who specialize in my illness, go to therapy to explore how my life has changed and come to terms with it, and do arts and crafts and stuff, all at no cost to me or my family? Damn skippy I will get on the plane today at 2pm. Is there an earlier flight?”

Look, I’ll even act out and pretend to hate the idea, if that helps. I understand optics and televisuals. Frankly, I’m not a million miles away from overwhelmed at the moment; just knowing I need to fill up the car with gas has me in a tizzy so I could just focus on that for a while and that would probably get me there. Throw on a hoodie, smear on some eyeliner and I think we have a nice setup. Just as long as somebody brings the cookies.

Two things for the record: 

I believe that drug addiction is an illness and I’m not minimizing it. This isn’t about that. This is about how much RA and lupus just plain suck and how much I’d like 90 days in Malibu for free to be treated by specialists. I hurt every damn where and I’m feeling sorry for myself. The rehab I’m talking about here is a magical imaginary rehab that doesn’t exist but should. 

I don’t take pain meds generally because I don’t like them. I have control issues. Plus opioids make me itch super bad. I take them only if it’s one of those Hey I think this pain is making me die.


7 thoughts on “Why does nobody want me to go to rehab? I will totally go. As long as there’s cookies.

  1. Midnight Knitter says:

    OK, I am going to drag myself out of bed, put on my hoodie, look at the eyeliner (and decide it is too much work), and go to the store for… cookies!! Yep, that’s the ticket. I totally need cookies!

    I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now. Hope you get back on the good stuff soon and in a happier place . 😦

    I get some pressure from people to try to stay off meds (smug, not suffering from autoimmune disease people. You know, the ones who think a healthy paleo diet will fix all…). That’s nice people. Don’t get between me and my pill case or I might hurt you is my response. Your (awful, cookie fired) experience is what I think will actually happen. Get better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That Girl says:

      Please. We both know that if we just ate differently and exercised more, we’d be cured. We’re just lazy. Or maybe it’s that new Amazonian enzyme pill that Dr. Oz has been talking about recently… been meaning to look into that. Hee hee.

      The fool who gets between me and my meds risks a hand, that’s what I know.

      Thanks for your sweet words. I’m starting to mend up. Pretty sure it’s the combo of butter, flour and sugar that’s doing it. Yay cookies!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Midnight Knitter says:

        I baked chocolate chip cookies, and wouldn’t you know it, today I feel so much better! I’m up, dressed and ready to run out the door to plan a summer camp with a friend (who owns an alpaca farm! Woohoo!!)


        • That Girl says:

          Your entire note makes me swoon. Homemade chocolate chip cookies and alpacas and feeling better? I’m Kermit green with envy. Have a blast! I pretty much can’t see how you won’t!

          And tomorrow I’m making chocolate chip cookies. YUM!

          Liked by 1 person

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